Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Changes (again)

I have been incredibly negative lately.  I'm not sure if it's due to the lack of exposure to sun,  lack of exercise, or if my direct supervisor has finally broken me.  Being at school makes me incredibly anxious.  As a special education teacher, I feel like less of a teacher now than I did as the instructional assistant at my school in San Diego.  This past week I was forced to substitute teach for a teacher that was out for the day. Most of the students didn't know me, and were incredibly disrespectful about how I was only a sub.  Aside from being forced to sub, I don't have a classroom, or the ability (time, resources) to lesson plan with my 4 co-teachers, and half the time I'm pulled from the classroom for meetings and other requirements.   Simply put, I feel like a classroom assistant.  The treatment from students, other teachers, and administration has forced me to make the decision to not return next year.  I am not stupid enough to put myself through another year of unhappiness.  I'm not sure where I'll be next year, but I've applied to two jobs in NYC, and I've begun to consider moving back to San Diego.   I've returned to the same place I was at this point last year, unsure of what I'm doing or where I'll be living.  Hopefully, I'll figure all of this out soon.

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